A friend of mine put this meme up on Facebook today…
(WARNING – Angry ex-husband trigger – don’t read on if this will upset you)
This reminded me of something my ex did…
In this story “DH” does NOT stand for “Dear Husband”, it stands for “Dick Head”
So, the story goes like this…
I went shopping and while I was out, he decided to cook some dim sims…
He put them in the top of a steamer, and went to play on his computer while he was waiting for them to boil…
I was doing the shopping, and I saw a friend while I was out, as we had nothing on that afternoon and I was under no time pressure, we had a cuppa and a chat, and then I went home…
When I got home, I walked in the front door to be greeted with smoke and the smoke-detector going insane in the kitchen.
I dropped the shopping and ran into the kitchen (yelling ‘WHAT’S BURNING” while I ran). I turned the stove off, and just looked at it, aghast.
Then I took the broom and turned the din of the smoke detector off.
Once that was done, i just stood there, staring at the stove.
At that stage, DH ambled in from the spare room where the computer lived. He said ‘Wow, what happened?’.
I just slowly turned around, utterly gobsmacked!!!
I said “Well, I don’t really know, as I just got home… but I assume you tried to cook something.”
He said “Where were you? I thought you only went shopping.”
I said “Yeah, but I saw <friend> and we had a cuppa, but I got all the shopping done.”
As I said that, I tried to move the saucepan off the hot hotplate. The saucepan moved, but the base-plate of the saucepan didn’t. It had got SO HOT that the base-plate of the saucepan had delaminated from the saucepan.
I’ll explain that… The saucepans were a really good set with the aluminium sandwich base (that my Mum had given me for my 21st) – and the saucepan had got so hot that the base had literally come off, and the aluminium had actually melted and flowed into the bottom of the stovetop (It was one of those stoves with the spiral electric element. Thankfully I had the little drip-trays in the bottom caught the aluminium flow so it didn’t ruin the stove, but we did have to replace the element).
I turned to him and said “What happened?” (OK, I knew what happened, he put the stove on and went to play on the computer and forgot about it… but I wanted to hear him say it)
He said “Well, if you hadn’t taken so long with the shopping, and stopped to have coffee, you would have got home in time to turn it off”.
I just looked at him. Like – WTF?
OK, I admit, I was cross. I probably didn’t handle it as well as I should have, but I turned and said “Really??? You don’t think it maybe had something to do with the fact that you put the stove on high, then went and totally ignored it to the point where you’ve nearly set the house on fire?”
So, I should have known by that point not to get him angry, but hey, sometimes ya just can’t help it…
He just breathed in and looked at the floor, then slowly looked up at me (at that point I knew he was mad) – so he just said “Oh, OK, so it’s MY FAULT, is it?”
I said “Well – who’s fault do YOU think it is?!?! Let’s see – who turned the stove on full then went and totally ignored it while it burned the dim-sims into tiny little coal nuggets and got hot enough to MELT ALUMINIUM???”
He said “So you’re really saying it was MY FAULT”.
I just raised my eyes and gave him a rather incredulous look… Like saying ‘What do you think?’.
He said “Great, EVERYTHING around here is my fault – just great…”
He turned around and just punched the door behind him. His fist went through the front piece of wood on the laundry door… (It was one of those internal doors which had the thin timber laminate on either side and cardboard wafer between them).
I said “Oh great, there are only TWO doors left in this place that you haven’t destroyed, and you’re going to ruin one that I need to keep the cats out of the laundry…”
(yea, that was probably the wrong thing to say… I know… I couldn’t help it…)
So, red rag to a bull – He said “See how you like THIS” and the bull put his head down and charged straight THROUGH the laundry door, ripping the door off its hinges in the process…
Now, picture this… A tall, strong guy, who’s put his head down and run through the middle of a door, but – the door got stuck across his body while he did it. So he’s stuck in the laundry, with a door right across him, pinning his arms down by his sides, looking like a giant plus sign. (The door was right across his chest and biceps)
He started thrashing around in there, yelling ‘GET THIS THING OFF ME’.
I said ‘If you think I’m coming in to that tiny room with you thrashing that door around you’re insane. Calm down and I’ll come in and help you’.
It took him a minute of seething, but he did calm down and I went in to help him. I had to put my hand down in-between the door and his body and literally tear bits of the door away. He was pretty badly scratched and the shirt was a write-off.
Hind-sight being 20/20, I should have taken that opportunity to pack and leave (you know, while he was stuck in the laundry, impaling the door), but, hey, youth and stupid decisions seem to go hand-in-hand, I guess… Stupidity is enhanced when I admit that this was about two years before we were even married…
Needless to say – after this he cried and promised never to get angry and break things in the house again.
Also, I guess, needless to say – he did. He really did.
My point is, don’t you think it’s funny how sometimes an innocent picture can remind you of something that happened almost 25 years ago? And, it’s still as clear as a picture. I’m glad that now I can just laugh about it, but it wasn’t quite as funny then…